The Jurassic Park franchise has always been based on people making really stupid decisions. Why don’t we ever learn? Because if we did, then there would be no more Jurassic movies, and the studio executives would make no money.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom feels like a movie that was made as a bridge of sorts. The third Jurassic World movie is already set for release in 2021, and Fallen Kingdom feels like the middle of a trilogy, in that it doesn’t have much of a beginning and its ending doesn’t even try to wrap things up.
The movie was directed by J.A. Bayona, a talented Spanish director whose previous films include The Orphanage, The Impossible, and A Monster Calls. I haven’t seen them, but I’ve heard good things about all three and they’re on my ever-expanding watch list, so hopefully I’ll get to them soon. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a well-directed movie with dazzling special effects, but is severely let down in the script department.
Images: Universal Pictures
The script was written by Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connolly, who also co-wrote the previous film in the franchise, 2015’s Jurassic World, which Trevorrow also directed. They should not be allowed to write the third film, because every single character in both of their Jurassic World movies is an idiot who learns nothing.
At the end of Jurassic World, the titular theme park closed for good after a colossal disaster led to the release of the dinosaurs and a bunch of unlikable/boring people being eaten. Three years later, the volcano on the island that formerly housed Jurassic World is on the verge of erupting, and the dinosaurs are in danger of becoming extinct once again. Why anyone would build a theme park on an island with a potentially active volcano on it is yet another mystery that may never be solved.
A debate rages about how to handle the situation, with some people (including Jeff Goldblum’s Dr. Ian Malcolm, who is in the movie for less than five minutes) thinking that since it was a bad idea to bring the dinosaurs back in the first place, it is not a bad thing that nature is about to once again remove the dinosaurs from existence. Others, such as Claire Dearing (played once again by Bryce Dallas Howard), think differently.
Claire, the former operations manager at Jurassic World, has since become an animal-rights advocate who wants to save the dinosaurs. She is recruited by an aging billionaire named Benjamin Lockwood (played by James Cromwell) and his right-hand man Eli Mills (played by Rafe Spall) to go to the island as part of a rescue operation to relocate the dinosaurs to a new island where they will be safe. She agrees and recruits her ex-boyfriend Owen Grady (played by Chris Pratt) to assist. Owen trained the park’s velociraptors back in the day and has a special relationship with Blue, the sole surviving raptor.
If saving a bunch of extremely dangerous giant reptiles from an island with an erupting volcano on it sounds like a dumb idea, that’s because it objectively is. But this is only the first of many dumb ideas the characters of this film have up their sleeves.
From here on out, there are going to be spoilers. It can’t be helped. You have been warned.
It turns out that the dinosaur rescue operation is only half the story. After a sufficient number of dinosaurs have been recovered, instead of transporting them to a different island, they are instead brought back to Lockwood’s mansion, where his evil assistant Mills plans to sell them off to the highest bidders. As an extra incentive to potential buyers, Mills has had Jurassic World geneticist Dr. Henry Wu (played by B.D. Wong, who along with Jeff Goldblum is the only actor from the original Jurassic Park film to appear in the new movies) to create a new, genetically-engineered dinosaur.
You may recall from Jurassic World that the main reason everything went to shit in the first place was because Claire authorized Wu to create the Indominus Rex, a genetically-engineered super-dino who promptly escaped containment and went on a rampage. Well, clearly we stupid humans have CONTINUED TO LEARN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and Wu has created the INDORAPTOR, a hybrid of Indominus Rex and velociraptor DNA, a creature designed SPECIFICALLY FOR HUNTING AND KILLING. THERE IS NO WAY THIS COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.
Now, to be fair, the Indoraptor is actually pretty cool. The reasons for its creation may be deeply stupid, but it’s a cool-looking creature and I enjoyed watching it create havoc and mayhem after its inevitable escape. I called it the Murdersaurus, which is what I will refer to it as for the remainder of this post. Generally, the Jurassic World films have done a good job with the dinosaurs and a poor job with the human characters, since most of them are dull and make dumb decisions.
Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are both charismatic and likable actors but they don’t have much chemistry in these movies, and I found it difficult, verging on impossible, to care about their on-again, off-again relationship. The supporting cast includes some good actors but most of them get nothing to do. Besides Jeff Goldblum and James Cromwell, both of whom are thoroughly wasted, take Ted Levine. He plays a grizzled mercenary whose name escapes me whose sole character trait is that he enjoys using pliers to rip dinosaurs’ teeth out. You don’t need me to tell you that this macabre proclivity comes back around to bite him (if you see what I mean) as soon as he makes the catastrophically-stupid decision to take the tooth of a drugged Murdersaurus. Let’s just say that tranquilizers don’t keep the Murdersaurus down for very long.
I could go into a lot more detail about all the things in the plot of this movie that make absolutely no sense, but based on what I’ve written above you can probably figure most of them out for yourself. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is the kind of movie that’s a lot of fun to watch with friends and drinks and talk about all the dumb things in it, but it’s very hard to take the movie seriously.
My feelings about this movie are similar to my feelings about RAMPAGE, which came out back in April. That movie was also dumb as hell and full of people making drastically bad decisions, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. I enjoyed Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom for much the same reason. It was fun. I knew I was in for a good time when the movie opened with a scene involving a helicopter and a T-Rex. More movies should open with scenes involving helicopters and T-Rexes.
Fallen Kingdom is a dopey movie but I still got quite a bit of enjoyment out of it, despite its MANY issues. It looks terrific and the dinosaurs are photorealistic, even the made-up Murdersaurus looks damn good. There are fun and suspenseful action sequences that had the people around me in the theater literally gripping the armrests of their seats and the woman sitting next to me visibly recoiled away from the screen during some of the more intense scenes. It may be dumb but it’s certainly effective, and Chris Pratt is always watchable, even if his character is badly-written.
Speaking of bad writing, Fallen Kingdom ultimately falls prey to the same problem that afflicted The Last Jedi: it’s well-directed but badly-written, and ends up being more than a little bit messy. Still, it’s loaded with fun and intense dino-action, which should be enough for summer moviegoers.
Long live the Murdersaurus. Oh wait, it died. Shit.